Hiding The Candy Jar: Raising A Son With Special Needs

It's Christmas Time! That means there's lots and lots of candies, cookies, and yummy treats. In our family, we say YES to dessert. One-a-day, that is. We even have a Candy Jar which begs for attention. As our children have grown, they have learned to limit themselves with The Candy Jar, at least most of the time. Hence I keep filling it up, month after month.

As Willie has turned 21 and became "an adult," he has asserted his "grown-upness" through the Candy Jar and other such temptations. It used to be he would wait for us to give him his daily allotment of candy from that beloved jar. He would happily accept our single size portions with gratitude and a smile. His limited skills of initiation spilled right over in to the Candy Jar. Well that is OVER!

Growing up with a disability really of any kind is tough. The process of becoming a teenager and then an adult is fraught with conflicts, as for typical children. For a Special Needs child, the issue of control seems to be consistent across the board and one that causes real problems for most parents and children alike. Through my years, I have understood that Willie isn't in control of so many things we take for granted. His hands don't work right. His Brain doesn't seamlessly glide to the right word or help him solve problems.  We manage his everyday routine with too much hovering at times, all to maintain his health and schedule, to avoid physical and emotional meltdowns. As Willie has grown older, he compares himself to his peers and siblings who are consistently earning and respecting their new found independence. This lack of control over his life drives Willie crazy.

So food has been an area where Willie has always struggled for control. How many portions can he have? What size portions? How much salad dressing with those fries? How many snacks can he have? It is endless and has been since he was old enough to talk. And we argue silently as I attempt to continue to control what he eats, how much, how often, and the list goes on. For if it was up to Willie, he would not exercise portion control and would eat one cup of sour cream with those crackers every time. If it was up to Willie, he would drink soda all day long so our one-a-day rule is constantly met with resistance. If it was up to Willie, he would eat a dessert after every meal. So in an ongoing silent battle to manage his health and weight, I control.

And now that Willie is 21, he has said ENOUGH! At least through his actions with the Candy Jar! So at first when I found eighteen wrappers under the computer table, I was caught off guard. It took a couple more wrapper finding expeditions under Willie's bed for me to figure it out. Slow, I know. So now we hide The Candy Jar from Willie.  But not forever. One day I know and hope Willie will be able to decide to just have one piece of candy! Or maybe two.