Willie's love of music evolved from an initial strong interest in bagpipes to guitars. Guitars of all kinds have since become a Special Interest to Willie. Kids with Special Needs often develop obsessions that the public calls Special Interests, a kinder term. "Obsessions" sounds pathological, Special Interests sounds intriguing. The actual phenomenon is both. For Willie, this means he owns too many books about guitars, too many guitars, and always wants more. Every birthday and Hanukkah, Willie wants a guitar. As he has grown, this has become more and more challenging. You see, Willie's hands don't work properly. He cannot play the guitar. He has just recently, at the age of 21, begun to write somewhat legibly. But even this accomplishment is a struggle and an infrequent task. Maneuvering buttons and zippers on his clothing doesn't come easily for Willie. Sometimes, not at all. He cannot tie his own shoes. So, using his hands to make chords that create music is an insurmountable ambition. At least so far.
But Special Interest are powerful urges and motivators. They push and push and push. They reflect deep yearnings. Willie's obsession with guitars in general has spilled over into his love of musicians. Slash, from Guns and Roses, is Willie's current hero. Slash's guitars are "cool!" And so is he. If I want to ever know what is in Willie's head, all I have to do is go into the History section of our computer. There Willie will jump from many You Tube clips of various Heavy Metal Bands. Then he moves onto looking at all these fancy, electric guitars his heroes play upon. Over and over, he jumps from one site to the next, feeding his Special Interest and trying to meet his unobtainable desire to play the guitar, to be a musician, a rock-and-roller, to have another life: one without Special Needs.
This gap between Willie's desires and his reality is heart-breaking and yet we did buy him his first Acoustic Guitar upon which to try and really learn. A chord. One strum. Something real. His Music Teacher at his school recommended it and volunteered to try to help Willie succeed in reaching his dream. We came to this decision to buy him a real guitar -- finally -- after a harrowing and now- comical experience which Willie once again had on the computer.
One evening, only a couple weeks ago, I was checking my email. Willie was home from school for the weekend. I saw that Amazon had emailed me over 15 times with several different purchases. My blood turned cold. I knew immediately what had happened. I knew that my son, who sometimes looks completely normal, who yearns for guitars, who knows that his future before it was hijacked by illness included music and rock, whose executive functioning skills are impaired, who boasts a head of curly hair and would definitely be the perfect star in his own college band if he hadn't suffered Brain Damage -- this son had gone too far.
Willie had "one-clicked" purchased over $40,000 worth of merchandise from Amazon. He bought several Fender Guitars, sometimes, 2 and 3 times; electric cords and amplifiers which all "Rock and Rollers" would need to play such beautiful Fender guitars. There was more. They all added up to one truth: it took my breath away: Willie's raw desire to be normal took over his consciousness. For Willie knew it was 'wrong' to do this. He somehow figured out my password for "One-Click" shopping and just clicked and clicked and clicked. The whole thing was and continues to be heartbreaking.
So. . . we gave him a Fender guitar of his very own. Not an Electric one as he so yearns for. But not a toy, either. It's an Acoustic model, one with which he may somehow, someday, find music. There is music in this son of mine which needs to come out. Willie is wrapped up by angels on earth at his very special school. And his Music Teacher is a true miracle worker. So. . . the verdict is out if Willie will ever be satisfied with his guitar-playing skills. But he has time. The wonderful thing about Special Interests are that they do not fade. Willie has a lifetime ahead of him to make his dreams come true. I can only pray he does. Oh, and quickly change my password.
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