Friday, October 12, 2018

Dear Dentist: Raising A Son With Special Needs

Dear Dentist:

Guess what?  Willie had to spend a week in the hospital due to the infected tooth you would not treat. The infection spread to his blood and he needed surgery to drain the abscess. Your name came up way too many times in the hospital, by Willie, and even medical staff there.  If only you had agreed to help him.

Guess what else? Willie did phenomenal in the hospital. He accepted his IV with grace, tolerated the multiple blood draws per day, had 2 successful Cat Scans, and acted completely "normal" when he had to be put under general anaesthesia for his surgery. 

Willie did not refuse the IV, as you had assumed and stated at our office visit due to your experience with "people like him." (People who are big and strong...) And when he came out of anaesthesia, he was groggy but fine, not combative as you again suggested from your experience with "people like him."  Willie did not need to be restrained, as you implied. 

In fact, Willie was kinda famous at the Hospital. He responded so positively to all the respect, dignity, and advocacy he was treated with by all the medical professionals.  They were impressed.  Numerous nurses went out of their way to spend time with Willie talking to him about his favorite subjects and helping him to get through some painful procedures. So what I figured out is it's you, not Willie, who is difficult.  It's your lack of knowledge and comfort with the Disabled Population that is really the problem.

Problem is that Willie is stuck on you. The hospital stay, though amazing and effective, was traumatic. It is hard not to blame you for the infection that caused the hospitalization due to your refusal to treat Willie. And see, Willie just needs you to say: "Sorry, I made a mistake,' so he can move on."

Oh Dr. Dentist, I wish you would...

Sincerely, Willie's Mom

Friday, September 7, 2018

This Dentist: Raising A Son With Special Needs

This dentist was different right from the start. Besides his reputation in treating those with Disabilities with respect and dignity, he just came right over and sat besides Willie and started talking. Willie, due to his intuitive preciousness, knew immediately that he was safe.

By the time they were done talking, 20 minutes later, Willie happily opened his mouth as best he could for this new dentist. There were no underhanded comments about people like Willie or an overt unwillingness to treat Willie's infected tooth.

This dentist took even more time and explained to Willie everything he was going to do to Willie at the next visit. He didn't dumb Willie down. Later this dentist said he knew Willie was that intelligent that he needed to know every detail to best handle his anxiety. Every step of the way, this dentist explained that if it gets too much for Willie, he will come back another time and do the procedure under general anesthesia.

After Willie happily departed the room, I held this dentist back and asked why not just put him out and get it over with? I mean, at this point, that is what I want. Well, this dentist had quite a response.  He told me that he wanted Willie to be able to walk into his office, to get his root canal, and be treated just like everyone else. I guess he meant that he didn't want to assume that Willie couldn't do it. That he was not afraid of Willie.

This whole dental debacle have sparked and triggered Willie's PTSD.  He is again constantly talking about his past and the abuse he went through. The other dentist is now in the "abuser" category in Willie's mind, despite what I say.

Thing is, I realize how defensive and afraid I have become too. Walking into this new dentist's office was plain frightening. During the entire appointment, I had to pinch myself to make sure things were truly going this well. I hugged Willie's new dentist.  For we finally found one. Let the healing begin.

Monday, August 20, 2018

The Dental Ordeal: Raising A Son With Special Needs

Within 5 minutes of meeting with the Oral Surgeon for a consult on Willie's decayed tooth, he turned us away.

"I have experience working with big and strong people like him, and I cannot help you," is what he said to us.

When I asked for a referral to a dentist who would help Willie, that Oral Surgeon said "call your dentist."

As we awkwardly left the office and returned to our car, Willie asked me some hard and insightful questions I cannot find the answers to.

"Why is Dr. L able to help my brothers and sister, but not me?"

Then he commented "oh great, he wants to send me to the hospital to fix my tooth where they will restrain me."

And all by himself, later on, unprompted by me, Willie said "Why do some people think those of us with Disabilities are DANGEROUS?"

This was the second dentist that turned Willie away.  The first one literally said to me after looking in Willie's mouth and deciding he couldn't help him, that he had experience working with CATTLE so Willie's agitation and fear were something he could handle.

I need someone to fix Willie's tooth.  Our regular dentist said he knew no one who could help Willie.

I've thought of calling the newspaper to report this blatant DISCRIMINATION.

For now, I will write about our horrific experience here.

I am also sending a frank and firm letter to the Oral Surgeon to advise him to get some SENSITIVITY training.

Willie keeps asking me what will happen to this Oral Surgeon, as he knows he has been mistreated?

Please let me know if you have similar experiences and what you do to solve them.


Monday, April 2, 2018

Forgiveness: THE MAILMAN

The Mailman stopped over the other night to ask Willie for forgive-
ness. Willie, in his sweet way, accepted the kneeling and crying man's sincere apology.  That Mailman never once referred to Willie as disabled, did not make excuses for his unkind words, and never asked us to detract our complaint against him to the United States Post Office. Willie and the mailman spent over an hour talking about their shared interests, including guitars. A couple days after this, this card came in the mail for Willie from this Mailman.

This article came out in the paper the next day.  Forgiveness is one of the highest virtues. Apologies can make a difference after all!

http://www.pennlive.com/news/2018/03/dispute_over_mailmans_ridicule.html

Wednesday, March 28, 2018

THE MAILMAN: Raising A Son With Special Needs

When my husband picked Willie up after the incident described below, Willie's therapist exclaimed: "This guy can't get a break!"  It's true, Willie had been abused by his former group home, from which he is still healing over one year later.  His PTSD diagnoses, resulting from this abuse, has left him fragile and vulnerable.

The most moving remark Willie made when processing this sad event, included his statement about how scary this Mailman was who verbally accosted him out of nowhere.  I assured Willie that he was safe but Willie pointed out that he does not feel safe as "the mailman was so unpredictable."  Again my Brain Damaged 25 year old adult son was so clearly correct and insightful.

Article about Willie's unfortunate encounter with the Mailman

http://www.pennlive.com/news/2018/03/i_was_appalled_mailmans_ridicu.html