Work=Life: Raising A Son With Special Needs

I have noticed and remarked upon the fact that lots of Mommies of Special Needs Kiddos work in the field of Special Needs. It is a seamless extension to our lives with our children.  We are pre-occupied with, perseverate upon, these kiddos. For without our constant vigilance, who will advocate for them and make sure our children become their best selves?

Most times I find the connection between my role as Willie's Mom and my professional one, in the Autism Classroom I support, complementary, overlapping, and helpful for both worlds. Until yesterday, when I opened up my email and read Willie's Behavior Support Plan.  Then my acute understanding and implementation of such Behavior Plans sent me reeling. Somehow reading about the antecedent strategies to help Willie stop self-injurious and aggressive behaviors hurt too much yesterday. As I brainstormed these same antecedent strategies for one of my students, reading the same about my Willie was just too stomach turning.

It is still too raw for me to figure it out. I need time to process why I am so provoked. Just when I thought I was "uber" accepting of Willie's limitations, that familiar pain that comes from being smacked in the face by Willies limitations visits me yet again. I know that acknowledging that Willie needs a Behavior Plan at all is tough, as this is his first ever! Not that we haven't had intolerable behaviors at home and at school in the past.  And the ironic part of reading the plan is that these strategies will help him now AND as he transitions to his new community. I should be embracing the Behavior Plan. But I hate it today.

My role as A Special Educator and a Mommy of Willie is challenging today. "Willie Pain" has seeped into my professional life. All the lessons Willie has taught me are still present and crucial as I help others. My empathy for my students' parents is as strong as ever. My intuitive understanding of my students is deep and rich from years of living with Willie. But today I am mostly a hurting Mommy. Tomorrow will be easier, I hope.