Friday, December 23, 2016

HOLIDAY CHEER: Raising A Son With Special Needs

Below is part of an email I sent to the Directors of Willie's new program.  In the spirit of the holiday season, one of good cheer and honesty, I share a vulnerable slice of my Willie life. The names have been changed to protect the innocent...LOL:

"I want to share some thoughts and observations I have about Willie.

First of all, Willie seems completely oblivious of problems within his new home, including any issues with Jake or Matthew. (Jake is one of Willie's new housemates and Matthew is a staff member.)  As you know, Willie tends to perseverate when things are upsetting him, so his optimism about his new house is hopeful and genuine. Willie says that he and Matthew got into a fight: that is all. I want to be clear that neither my husband nor myself hold any grudges against Matthew.  We are completely aware that Willie can push people's buttons and we completely "forgive" Matthew for anything he may have said. My husband felt a warmth and positive authenticity yesterday from Matthew when he picked Willie up. Moreover, he described Willie to appear to be comfortable at the house, seemingly fine with Jake as well.  Which brings me to my next thought, which has to do with Willie and his "reputation."  I know you all have to take things that come out of Willie's mouth seriously, especially threats to others. But I fear that because of the one incident with his old housemate, Willie's reputation has been marred. I would offer that it is possible that we all need to ignore any threats Willie may make or did make towards Jake. I know this may be difficult but my guess is that this type of language will go away if ignored.

My other observation about Willie is that he seems calm and more even then even last time he was home.  I would suggest that Willie's new medicine is doing it's job.  However I am acutely aware of how Willie perceives most words and actions now based on the Behavior Plan Meeting we had. I have noticed that Willie hears my words as criticism and that if I first approach him with a loving or kind comment, he is much more responsive.  I guess I didn't ever realize or want to accept how poor Willie's self-esteem is and how distorted or paranoid his hearing and thinking can be.  

So I guess my message is that I feel hopeful about Willie's success in his new home, despite the issues that have arisen.  In the spirit of infectious positivity, I encourage you all to do the same. For as we know, Willie feels our vibes more then we know."

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