Selected: Raising A Son With Special Needs

Today I opened a letter addressed to my son, who was 18 last October. It was from The Selective Service informing him that he needed to register with them. The first sentence said: "Our records indicate that you are a man..."

Willie never got that letter. Until today, I wasn't even aware that 18 year old boys were still required to register with The Selective Service. And why is it called the Selective Service anyway?

Sure, the letter took my breath away for my son who is required to make himself eligible to go to war, if one should arise. But after that feeling, my next reaction was all about Willie.

Willie receives Disability from the Federal Government and I had to work very hard to establish this for him. But I don't walk around thinking much about how our government views Willie. And then smack, there it was: HE IS DISABLED, exempt from registering with The Selective Service, and quite unable to fight in a war. It was a knife to the heart visceral reaction. A slap in the face. As if a loud megaphone was resounding: WILLIE IS DISABLED, NOT SELECTED, INFERIOR....

And another thought I have is that this other son of mine, 3 years younger than Willie, is referred to as a man in this letter from The Selective Service. And I know as well as other Mamas out there, that my 18 year-old, although 6 feet tall, is definitely not a man yet. But what about Willie, who is turning 22 in 4 months. Is he a man?  Not according to The Selective Service. According to them, his is another category, DISABLED, and not truly a man.

My reaction of course is tainted and weighed down by years of navigating this non-disabled world with Willie. Day after day I have had to advocate for him and explain him to the world as a capable, smart, funny but limited child. And now as he ages out of the School System in 13 days, he is not a child anymore. But neither is he a man.

I am left feeling grateful that we are not in wartime for my 18 year-old boy-man. And left feeling uneasy for my Willie, as he transitions from his School-Age Program to an Adult one. I am proud of Willie as he evolves into a wonderful, kind, competent, sensitive, loving and disabled 21 year-old. Moreover the Government will care for and protect him, not the other way around. So why does that knife wound sting so?