Friendships: Adults with Special Needs: Raising A Son With Special Needs

If you are like most parents of those with Special Needs, friendships are a hot topic, a source of pain, an overarching goal, a moving target, the Million Dollar Question. Instead of describing Willie's long history of friendships, let me launch into a rather uplifting story of such.

Willie and Will hated each other when they first met, back when they were 16 and 17, respectively. Who knows why. But they had to live in the same house, which was trouble. Willie's siblings, after meeting this infamous Will, were so impressed that there was actually another person who had Special Needs who was like their brother.  It's true, they were both handsome, well spoken, engaging, interested/obsessed with many topics,with unique senses of fashion,but they still butted heads.

Flash forward 3 years, and there these 2 Williams were again, finding themselves as roommates in the Farmhouse. We all doubted yet held our breathes with hope. It was almost magic.  For somehow in the quiet wee hours of the morning, when they were supposed to be asleep, these 2 wonderful young men, wove each other into one another's hearts. The amazing camaraderie that evolved from then on would take your breath away. Will, an artist, would continually create objects of art for Willie.  And Willie, with his gift of language, would support and validate Will.  Willie truly saw Will. It was every mother's dream come true.

And then Will had to move away.  His funding was up as he turned 21, and could no longer be at The Camphill Special School. The Williams were sad, but of course you could not see their sorrow, as both of the ways these young men showed emotion was irregular. But the boxes started coming from Will to Willie through the mail.  Trinkets he found, those he created, sent to Willie over the miles. Willie, unable to reciprocate in kind, said very little. But he would talk about Will at times with a longing and melancholy in his voice. They spoke on the phone sometimes too and that was quite a conversation to observe.  Both of them trying so hard to connect, trying hard to find that place of intimacy once again.

Recently, the idea of a visit out to see Will in California has blossomed.  Both boys, in their ways, are super excited. Now it's up to us parents to facilitate such a reunion. Not so easy, as Willie can't just jump on a plane and fly out to the West Coast. And so even though Willie is almost 24, I am beginning another journey advocating to help 2 good friends see each other again. For friendships between Special Needs Adults takes a director. Out come my batons!!