Food and Letting Your Child Grow Up: Raising A Son with Special Needs

When I called Willie this afternoon, Daniel said he was out to eat with Miles. As I have discussed in earlier posts, Willie and food are a hot issue. Willie loves to eat. He especially loves to go out to eat. This can be a contentious issue, as going out to eat presents more unhealthy food choices then eating at home. When Willie is home, I try to limit how much he gets food, either to-go or at a restaurant. If Willie had his druthers, he would eat all 3 meals out every day. And subsequently weigh 300 pounds, at least that is my fear.

Willie has recently moved to a new program where his rights as an individual are especially valued and emphasized. Going out to eat at a restaurant appears to be a more available option then in the past places he has lived.

A good friend of mine who works with Disabled adults and I chatted today about this very issue, as we hiked along the trail this beautiful Fall morning. She explained that one of the Disabled individuals she supports had a major breakdown when she wanted to grab a burger for dinner from the restaurant down the street, but was denied that right. They were serving soup at her home that evening. My friend suggested that she should have been allowed to get that burger, as after all, she is 45 years old, Disabled or not. This scenario developed into a crises, as her Residential Manager dug her heels in and pushed this woman to the edge.

This story made me truly ponder Willie and his choices and rights. I want to control Willie's food intake and preferences, as he tends to make poor ones. But truth is, he is almost 24 years old. And would I actually tell his new program that he is eating out too much? Will I try to micro-manage Willie's caloric intake from 90 miles away? Or will I hear my friend's message and let him design his own world without my very controlling instincts? Will I realize that Willie is an adult and gets to create his own life, which includes his desire to frequently eat out? I guess that is truly my only option, to let go and let him grow up as he wishes. Disabled or not, Willie is an adult now. I must let him grow, evolve, and initiate his own routines. And although it goes against all my inclinations to allow Willie to make his own choices, especially when it comes to food, I need to bud out. This is every parents' task as their children become adults. Disabled or not.