A Gentleman: Raising A Son With Special Needs

We live in a rhythm with Willie. Every summer he spends at least 6 weeks home, to return to his Camphill program in September.  Willie's anxiety begins to mount on his first day home about when he has to "Go Back."  Even though I make him a beautiful visual calendar to show him the amount of time home, his anxiety never goes away about "Going Back." Willie really struggles with time and 6 weeks ofttimes must feel like 6 days or even 6 hours to Willie.  Even though he likes the Camphill programs he attends and is a valuable community member, he still is haunted by the anxiety of "Going Back."

So today was the day. Came to soon for Willie I am sure. Never comes soon enough for me. Willie had his best summer home ever.  His bouts with anger and supreme negativity were less than usual. Willie's interactions with his siblings continue to improve as he develops and certainly as those 3 siblings mature as well.  We spoke endlessly last night, while out for a very enjoyable and rare dinner at a restaurant, about all the activities and people to look forward to back at Soltane.  I detailed how his second year at Soltane brought with it clarity, as he knows what to expect.  It didn't matter.  In the car there, he barely spoke except to tell me he was still nervous.

In years past, Willie would linger in the car until a friend would come egg him out of his nervous seclusion.  Last year Willie wouldn't tolerate the parent/student meeting and refused to join. This year, he got right out of the car and immediately found Stacey, the co-worker he adores, who he will be living with this year.  He emphatically told me he would not attend the meeting.  I let it go, for that is what one must do as Willie's parent.  To get into a power struggle with Willie about something un-crucial, especially with his agitated state, is just something you don't do.  I told Stacey to handle it.  I was expecting his typical refusal.

Instead here is what I saw when I was on my way to such meeting:

Frankly I couldn't believe it.  And after that, things just got better and better. Willie sat in the meeting the whole time, over an hour.  He wouldn't introduce himself when asked, but did stand up with the rest of his house during introductions.  It was amazing.

Raising Willie has been the most challenging thing I could ever have imagined being asked to do.  I write lots about how hard it is and how sad I am.  But today was a stellar day.  I am wrapping this around me like a cozy blanket and just reveling in this feeling of peace, for as long as I can.

Oh and afterwards, after I spoke with Stacey about Willie's walking with her to the meeting, she said: "He is always such a Gentleman."