Paint By Numbers: Raising A Son With Special Needs

Willie is home for the holidays. Fourteen days and nights. Throughout the past 7 years, this is the ebb and flow of Willie.  Willie yearns for home but when he gets here, it is a challenge. There isn't much to do and leisure time isn't Willies' speciality.  Over the holidays, there is no structure, not anything that must get done, and no routines.  Willie usually gets pretty grumpy and may get frustrated at the limited demands we put on him.  The intensity of his negativity and tantrums vary: you just have to wait and see how bad it actually will get.

I love my Willie.  I too yearn for him to come home.  And there are definite moments when things are lovely, cozy, connected.  But mostly, I put my armor on when Willie comes home just in case. This year I feel that negativity seeping into everything.

So yesterday at Yoga, during the Mediation part at the end, I had an epiphany.  I saw a paint by number painting in my head and knew immediately what it meant.  I am to stick with one emotion/feeling/incident/moment at a time.  As if I am painting with just one color.  I am to concentrate on that color alone.  If another color comes up and asks to be painted, an unhappy incident/feeling/person, I paint it but then go back to the painting and continue.  I leave that rough color behind and move on.  It was my message from myself to myself during yoga.

So far it is working, to an extent.  If nothing else, the image of painting by numbers, is a clear reminder how not to get swept away by any negative experience. And for that lesson, I must thank Willie again, even as I hear him "cusssing" in the next room.