Imaginary Role-Models: Raising A Son With Special Needs

I've said it before and I'll say it again: Willie uses make-pretend role impersonation to deal with his Special Needs.  I get it. It all makes perfect sense. It started when he was little and became fascinated and obsessed with Darth Vader.  Willie's 8 year-old self was grappling with simple good and evil themes. By then, Willie had begun having tantrums.  During the tantrums, he would scream terrible things.  After he calmed down, Willie would be filled with remorse.  I know he was drawn to Darth Vader, as he also said and did terrible things.  Darth Vader used to be good but turned bad.  He became a role-model of sorts.

Through the years, Willie has continued to take on other personas:  Darth Sidious in Harry Potter, the Phantom from Phantom of the Opera, Batman, The Joker, and even Slash from Guns and Roses. Willie has continued to have self-regulation issues, always feeling terrible about himself after regaining control.  These fantasies of becoming these "heroes" help Willie to reconcile the "good" and "bad" sides of himself.

Up until last night, I instantly played right along.  We have our roles and I am usually Helen Keller,who randomly runs into one of Willie's heroes.  We always talk about deep and meaningful concerns and themes. Willie is transparent, getting right to the heart of the issue. There is usually a problem, as his character has done something bad, or encountered someone doing something bad.  Willie always wants my help, forgiveness, or guidance.  It all feels therapeutically positive.  I get what Willie is trying to do, even if he doesn't.

But last night, the rules changed and I wouldn't play along. Willie decided to be Hannibal Lecter from The Silence of the Lambs.  First of all, I don't know how Willie even knows about that evil character, as he has never seen the movie. But Willie has an awesome grasp on popular culture, so I am not surprised he found out about Hannibal. But I am surprised that he adopted him as one of his characters.  I will admit I know little about Hannibal, except that he is a serial killer. So I guess I better google him.  But in the meantime, I am disturbed that Willie would adopt him into his psychological role-playing.

The only thing I can imagine is that Willie feels disappointed and mad at himself, as his transition to his new program has been a tough one. Perhaps Willie's own anger and frustration feel so out of control that he imagines himself to be as evil as Hannibal.  Either way, I will not play that game.  Dig deep Willie and find another role-model. I will wait for you.