Dear Sir Responds: Raising A Son With Special Needs

I received an email the other day from Willie's "Dear Sir." He had read my blog and wanted to clarify his point of view regarding what I had written. Dear Sir claimed to have made only one threatening, inappropriate statement to Willie and apologized for that. He denied any and all other accusations I made. Dear Sir told me plainly that I needed to rid myself of the hate in my heart.

The day I received that email was already a rough one for me, dealing with another of my kid's serious issues. Thus Dear Sir's response sent me reeling.  I immediately thought to myself how could both his and Willie's versions be true? It made me doubt Willie in a way I never had.  For you see, Willie did come home from his group home damaged.  He received a PTSD diagnoses from his new Psychiatrist.  He immediately falls into fight or flight from the simplest of triggers. Something happened. And Dear Sir claims nothing did.

Lucky for me and our family, our team here is excellent. I immediately reached out to them with my confusion.  One of them said so brilliantly: "We will never the know the truth. That doesn't matter. What matters is Willie's perception.  He experienced trauma and abuse and we will honor that and help him heal." Wise words.

And the coolest thing is Willie is healing.  It feels like it's taken forever, but it's really only been 5 months.  He is happy now a lot.  He is more flexible. We can push his comfort zone.  His whole demeanor is different, like his old, sweet self.

Regarding Dear Sir's request to rid myself of hate, I have already done so.  Like any grief process, I have moved through and continue to experience anger, acceptance, forgiveness, and so on. What I have learned is that trauma is in the eye of the beholder and regardless of Willie's Intellectual Disability, his experience is real and we must honor it.  I don't blame you Dear Sir anymore.  I see a whole system that failed Willie. It's a tough world for young adults with an Intellectual Disability. We are just so blessed that we brought him home to heal, just in time.