Willie's People: Raising A Son With Special Needs

When you lose a friend, grief stirs up more than you bargain for.  This certainly isn't a blog about grief, but as a Mom with a Special Needs son, I am all too familiar with Grief and all it's nuances. For no matter your child's disability, you, at some point, must grieve the loss of your typical child.

So my very good friend passed away 12 days ago.  It was not unexpected as she fought Stage 4 Breast Cancer for 12 long years. Her youngest daughter and my daughter are best friend.  Best friends since they were babies.  A recent Facebook post from my dear friend attested to this friendship, when she posted a darling photo of our girls hugging, and commented such: "These girls have been "cooing and drooling" on each other from birth! GREAT Besties for 13+ years!! So thankful for their love for each other!! Love me some "Heidi Hope"...what a lovely friendship God has supplied!"

As I grieve my friend, I recognize all the stages, phases, and feelings that come along with this terrible process. I focus on her husband and children's sorrow and needs and try to stay away from any focus on myself.  I try so valiantly to hold this special family up. But my own issues creep in, of course. And one unexpected feeling has been the loss of one of Willie's "people." For as he has grown-up, his support system seems to have gotten smaller and smaller.  His challenging behaviors have successfully alienated many family friends. Willie's development into an adult with Special Needs is not easy for most.  

But you my friend never left his side.  You believed in him and held him up through the years.  I never had to apologize for him when your daughter was at our house and Willie exploded.  You always wanted your kind daughter to tag along with mine as we visited Willie at his Special Needs communities. Your daughter mimicked you and saw these folks and my Willie as just people. People to be loved and to spend time with. I never had to feel embarrassed when Willie wouldn't look at you when you talked to him lovingly and patiently. When he still wouldn't look up or answer as you continued to have a Willie conversation with him.  As you laughed and even hugged him.  I never cringed when you spoke to Willie as it was always with respect towards him as a wonderful and whole human being. I will miss your enthusiasm, acceptance, and that sparkle in your eye as I shared with you another Willie story, for you always made me feel heard and understood. 

I will miss you my friend for so many reasons.  And again all things return to Willie in my life.  I will miss your unconditional love for Willie that you so naturally gave him and us throughout the years. Thank you for that rare gift that you graciously shared with our family. Good bye sweet girl and may all the Special Needs people you share heaven with surround you with that same kind of love and acceptance.