The Anti-Explosion Dance: Raising A Son With Special Needs

We all do it. That anti-explosion dance. Prompt. Role-play. Remind. Make schedules. Warn. Make more schedules. Remind.  Plan. Prevent. Plan some more. Anything to avoid that dreaded explosion. For we all know what happens when they pop. There's no going back.

Willie hates to be shaved. He can't shave himself as his hands just don't work well enough. He says he likes the unshaven look. But really Willie hates the feeling of water on his face, that slimy soap.  There's no such thing as shaving cream. That is not allowed in his sensory budget. He hates the feeling of the razor on his face. What if you cut him. Make him bleed. He just plain despises it.

So I plan for the shave. It is a meticulous and intricate process. You have to do it when he's in a good mood. You have to do it when he has something to look forward to. After a very good night of sleep for sure! You have to do it when he has been fed. You have to do it when he is distracted enough with something on the computer. "The Shave" requires quite a battle plan.

I failed recently. My hand is not working as I had surgery. My husband was to shave Willie. I didn't plan well enough. I asked my husband to shave Willie at the worst possible time, right before he had to go back to school. It was a desperate and terrible decision.  I blatantly ignored all the regular rules about avoiding this explosion. He popped. He exploded. It was horrible.

And the worst part of these explosions, as Willie becomes an adult, is his self-recriminations. For always after he calms down, he hates himself for the tantrum. He punishes himself. He gets stuck in obsessive thoughts of self loathing. Each explosion scars his psyche, his self-confidence, his chance of happiness and peace.

That anti-explosion dance: the stakes are so high!

For more information about your explosive child, check out Ross Greene's website, author of The Explosive Child.                         http://www.livesinthebalance.org/