Little Bits of Light: Raising A Son With Special Needs

"Who am I kidding? I thought. Why did I even think about writing this post? In my world you only have to wait a few hours and the sky will turn cloudy again. I guess that's why we need to document and savour the little bits of light, whenever they come."

The above is an excerpt from Louise Kinross' post from BLOOM - 
Parenting Kids With Disabilities, a Special Needs Blog.  https://mail.google.com/mail/u/0/#inbox/1493756f2acc81d2.

I love this blog and read it every day.  This particular entry touched me due to it's brutal honesty.  My blog seems dark and I struggle with the extent of my public negativity. But Louse Kinross was able to illustrate both the happiness and the hardship of raising a child with Special Needs.  I love how she explains both ends of the feelings spectrum as 2 truths you are forced to juggle and embrace as a Special Needs parent.  

Lately, as Willie has been struggling, I too have been feeling low, despair, and defeat. I seem to have lost the ability to remember and hold-on to all of Willie's strengths, abilities, and gifts. I feel guilty about this. Yet I feel stuck. All I see is grey.

Louise's mention of those "little bits of light" pierced my grief.  Those words captured my attention. She helped me to remember that not all days with Willie are so gloomy. That some days, I will see bright yellow, powder blue, and deep red. Some days, I do revel in the lessons Willie teaches me.  Some days, like yesterday, I received a report that Willie is improving.  That the hug he gave a co-worker yesterday made that co-worker's year. That Willie will not always be so depressed, frustrated, and anxious.  And that, as Louise says, I need to "savour" the little bits of light, for they are fleeting, but seem to always return.

So today, when I think about and ponder Willie, as I do endlessly, there is a rainbow of colors amidst words like adjusting, resilient, and loving all swirling around in my brain. I hug, embrace, and taste those "little bits of light" as I know they are delicate and temporary.