I was reluctant to write a blog about our life as I am not one of those parents who is all rosy, cheery, or happy. It just isn't my personality. And although I embrace Willie and learn from him constantly, some days are downright miserable. This post is about some of that sorrow: Willie's GARBAGE!
You can see the big bag of soda cans, pudding containers, candy wrappers, and yogurt containers that I collected after Willie's 2 week visit home. This was all "secretly"stuffed under the computer console. I left it there 8 days after his departure, until I had the heart and strength to collect and dispose of it. This GARBAGE breaks my heart and represents all of Willie's current struggles.
Most 21 year olds are not controlled by their Parents or House Fathers. 21 year olds can come and go as they please. 21 year olds can drink, smoke, and chew whatever they desire. 21 year olds usually go to college or have some sort of job. 21 year olds wear whatever they want. 21 year olds are not put to bed at any certain time. 21 year olds shower when they choose. 21 year olds can be sexually active if they prefer. 21 year olds have a bank account and a debit card and sometimes a credit card. 21 year olds own an IPhone with a twitter account, Facebook, and text like crazy. 21 year olds have friends. 21 year olds are usually mature enough to make important life decisions or at least solve problems that may ensue.
Willie is 21 but none of the above holds true for him. So he steals soda and food and stows the garbage under the computer, in hopes that he won't be found out. In his frustration and lack of inner control, his GARBAGE becomes his expression of FREEDOM. His ability to out-smart this controlling system (ME) that denies endless soda and candy and food is his joy. This GARBAGE is an on-going event. This time the GARBAGE was heavy and scary and impossible to dispose of.
For the first time ever, Willie's other GARBAGE included porn on TV, drinking 1-3 beers alone at 11 AM, and staying up till 4 AM on YouTube. (Drinking can mess up Willie's cocktail of meds. Not sleeping enough can cause a seizure.) The myth that I can control Willie is shattered. His limitations are pronounced and screaming at me. His knowledge that he is not like other 21 year olds is becoming his latest obsession.
You could say that Willie is again teaching me. His yearning to be an adult is powerful and needs an outlet. I must listen to him. But his immaturity, weak executive functioning skills, his tendency to excess, and some safety concerns, outweigh Willie's voice. So as I process Willie's enlarged GARBAGE, I will continue to hear Willie but know that he needs a container for this GARBAGE.
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